Love Column: Stuck in a Rut


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The beginning is always the most magical.

You’re learning about each other, flirting, going out on the best romantic dates possible and constantly having a weird smile on your face with butterflies in your stomach. But we all know that after several months that spark the excitement in a relationship can start to plateau.

Your relationship begins to become a routine and you notice some paradigms and the thrill of being together starts to die down. You realize that every Friday night you do the same thing and silence starts to grow between the two of you.

This scares some people. So much sometimes that it actually pushes them out of the relationship and causes them to give up. This is the period where you truly see what your feelings about that person are sincerely based off of. When you can just sit with someone in silence and still feel just as happy as you did when the two of you were pursuing each other, that’s when you know that you doubtlessly care for that person and how they make you feel in the deepest parts of your heart.

“It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking,” Nicholas Sparks, novelist who is well-known for his romanticism, said.

Most importantly, recall that this type of issue can be avoided from day one of your relationship. Be certain that you care for the person for who they are, what they offer intellectually and emotionally. Be consumed with every little piece of them. The way they walk, talk and laugh. The way they just exist. And here’s the hard part, do all of this without having a thought to change a single thing about them.

If you’ve never felt such a way with that person, be honest with yourself as well as that individual. Don’t waste any more time or emotion and start taking the actions in order to move on. I know that is easier said than done and break ups can be difficult, but at the end of the day, it is appreciated, as long as it is communicated delicately. Honesty is normally admired, no matter the situation.

But what if you’re just in a rut and you still desire to be with that person? The first action to climbing out of the pits of boredom is by acknowledging the fact that the two of you are caught between blasé walls. Bring it up to your partner that you feel that things have become too humdrum or comfortable.

Then, go change it. Decide on things to do that would seem out of the ordinary in comparison to the rest of your relationship and become daring together. Try new things as a couple. Take the extra steps to keep the adventure and emotion going and growing.

When you are out of things to talk about, leave some space. Don’t stay in constant contact with your partner and actually let things happen during your day so you can catch them up on it later at dinner or the next time you see them.

My dad always taught me that everything in life should have a healthy balance. In most cases, he’s absolutely right and I try to translate that into my every day life. And in this case, perfect harmony in a relationship is essential.

Spending too much time with someone can lead to disinterest or irritation by that person. On the other hand, you’re obviously in a relationship with them, so act like it. Share things. Tell one another about your day, what your plans are for the coming days and whatever else you deem fit. Master the equilibrium of your bond. Realize when’s there’s too much of the two of you and when there hasn’t been enough. In this way, you should find a healthy, pleased and successful connection.

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